in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
