So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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