guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is my gift to your gina
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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