Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
