Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
