Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
