There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
