Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
