can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
