good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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