my mouth tastes like poor choices
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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