She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did i just pee glitter
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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