Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
