I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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