So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
