Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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