Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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