Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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