Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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