it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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