i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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