then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
