I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
