Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The uberlube is also flammable
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
