So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
