Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
