): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
