I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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