We're like a lot better than the average bears
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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