you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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