would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
