I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
