Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
