3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
