I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
