So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
