I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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