i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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