Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
