doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
