K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
