the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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