im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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