This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
