She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
