thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
