i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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