dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
