And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
