I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
