someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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