Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
