She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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